


The Mercy They Find On Earth

by fandroid1



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Arthur Pendragon Has Feelings, Arthur is not fat, Caring Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Day 7: Free day + Magic reveal, Empathy, Episode: s02e09 Lady of the Lake, Feelings, Feelings revealed, Getting Together, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Jealous Arthur, M/M, Magic Revealed, Merlin is a Sweetheart, Merthur Week 2020, Minor Character Death, POV Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Paternal Gaius, Post-Episode: s02e09 Lady of the Lake, Protective Arthur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:14:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28364484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandroid1/pseuds/fandroid1
Summary: Arthur faces his feelings due to the events surrounding Merlin and Freya.Written for Merthur Week 2020 Day 7: Free day + Magic reveal
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 154
Collections: Merthur Week 2020





	The Mercy They Find On Earth

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not a native and really wanted to post it on the day of the prompt, so I didn’t have time for beta process, so I’m sure there are mistakes. If anyone is willing to take on the beta-ing I’ll be grateful!  
> I still mean to do edits and stuff since it doesn’t feel entirely completed. Hope you'll enjoy anyway :)
> 
> Also this is my first Merlin fanfic ever, so thanks to this Merthur Week for the opportunity.
> 
> The title’s taken from the song “God Help The Outcasts”, one of Disney’s most beautiful creations.

Despite what Merlin says, Gaius’s eyebrow implies, Morgana’s general patronizing attitude, and Gwen’s occasional “at-least-you’re-pretty” pitting looks, Arthur’s not stupid. Or at least, not completely and utterly so. 

Right, Merlin had him a bit confused with everything about the new diet and stealing Arthur’s food, but he was merely shocked by the new extents of his manservant’s audacity. And fine, yes, a bit worried that Merlin actually thought he’s fat and disliked it, so excuse him if he was a bit embarrassed and self conscious. 

But he  _ did  _ notice when Merlin - who by all indications only owned two shirts and a pair of neckerchiefs - showed up with a different jacket. 

He might have lost the other one, but for someone who used to babble for hours about every small incident in his day, Merlin was suspiciously quiet about that matter. 

Then was the option of Merlin giving it away for someone else. That wouldn’t be the first time, and Arthur made sure to pay attention after the time he'd asked Merlin what happened to the new gloves he gave him and Merlin’s ears turned red as he muttered something incoherent. Only later he’s heard from Gaius about the orphan boy with the frostbites on his hands. So it wasn’t unlikely, especially considering the cold weather lately, but when he asked Gaius he shook his head and said Merlin was with him the entire day yesterday and they didn’t meet anyone who could’ve urged Merlin to one of his altruistics impulses. Then he adds, distractingly, “Except that girl.”

At this point he fell silent, looking disturbed, and left Arthur burning with curiosity and frustration. 

A girl. 

Of course. Arthur saw too many of his knights losing half of their wardrobe once starting to go steady with someone, so he knew the meaning of that. Only he didn’t know Merlin had… and… well, he couldn’t help the sudden sting of jealousy. 

The next day, his father spreads the word about the escaping Druid girl. And come on, even Halig grasped on it and caught Merlin. It was so much like his kind-hearted, foolish servant to try and save someone the Druids themselves turned down. Arthur went to free Merlin from Halig’s claws, hoping the gesture of full trust will encourage Merlin to do the same. But mostly he was hoping maybe the entire affair was Merlin acting out of his will to help - which was still something that could easily get him to the gallows, but at least in that case there will be something Arthur can do, as opposed to Merlin falling in love with someone else. 

And then was the dress. 

Again: Not Copletely And Utterly stupid. Arthur figured if Merlin’s walking around with a dress, it’s meant for a girl. He came from Morgana’s chambers so it was not her, at least (and thank God he got over  _ that _ infatuation; yes, Arthur knows perfectly well what was that, no matter Merlin’s denial. He means honestly, Merlin gave her  _ flowers _ ). And weird as Gaius may get, he surely doesn’t need a dress (to be honest Arthue did think Gaius’s robes resemble, or even were, in fact, a dress, but the elegant clothing Merlin held would hardly fit him). 

So Arthur reacted the way he did in order to conceal his own raging envy. A dress like that wasn’t meant to simply give the girl something to wear, or disguise her, since an outfit from the servants’ laundry room would’ve been a lot better, and easier to get. No, Merlin was giving the girl a romantic gift - a royal dress, no less. Probably stolen from Morgana’s closet, since he couldn’t’ve possibly talked this vein creature to willingly separate from one of her pretty stuff (Arthur tried that himself once, when he was courting a heart-breaking beautiful girl who specifically desired one of Morgana’s rings, and he carried the marks from his sister’s nails for weeks afterwards). 

There isn’t much time for him to dwell on it, with all the murdering happening in the background, but then he sees the girl for himself. And hell, because he knows about her connection to Merlin (her being the object to Merlin’s feelings, goddamn it), he can’t stop thinking about Merlin in her place: skinny, pale, dark haired. Trembling in the cold night, still wearing the marks from being restrained in the cage. 

All alone. Scared. 

He hesitates, and then watches wide-eyed as she lets out an agonized cry and transforms to a beastly monster. 

There’s no choice but to kill her, he knows, yet he’s somehow relieved when the gargoyle falls, sending them to take shelter, and the girl - the beast - escapes. That’s when he sees Merlin turning away from the place, running.  
  


* * *

  
On the next day Arthur searches for Merlin until one of the other servants tells him he’s brushing boots in some secluded room. On his way, Arthur remembers the last time he saw Merlin performing this chore - for the entire army’s shoes. He went over to tease him a bit, but opened the door to find Merlin sitting with Gwaine, completely at ease, talking and laughing. They didn’t even notice him, and Arthur retreated, somewhat irred by the sight, in a way he couldn’t quite figure. 

It would take an even-bigger prat than Arthur to not notice Merlin’s grief. He has dark circles beneath his eyes and he looks on the verge of crying, keeps cleaning stubbornly, even as he seems as he might snap. 

Merlin won’t answer him about what’s troubling him, but even at that moment he manages to spark up Arthur’s indignation and usual infuriation, and Arthur’s overflows with his affection and helplessly and catches Merlin in a headlock and rubs his head until he gives in. He looks so cute with his hair all ruffled, so Arthur can’t help but smile, especially when Merlin does, too. Then Arthur teases him, and Merlin smiles again, and it’s enough. For the moment it’s enough. 

Arthur leaves, but feels he would’ve given everything he has if he could’ve stayed there and simply join Merlin in his work. 

* * *

Arthur was never Gaius’s favorite. He knew the court physician thought he was too arrogant and boastful, and he was probably right, because Arthur didn’t care about his opinion. Morgana was always Gaius’s spoiled little girl, but then Merlin came along and there was no contest. If he happened to ask something from Gaius after he was particularly nasty to Merlin, the glare he’s got was so stern and cold that Arthur'd rather spending the night with whatever ache he had instead of taking the draught Gaius handed him eventually. 

But Arthur knows Gaius was aware, way more than Merlin, how extraordinary was the treatment the young manservant received. Merlin could grumble all he wants, but the truth is if he had any other master, he’d probably get whipped daily, spending his weekends on the stocks and getting in the dungeons at least once a month, that if he hadn’t been executed already. 

It irritated Arthur that since day one that despite Merlin’s obvious lack of respect and his many flaws, Arthur couldn’t help but feel oddly fond of him, a feeling that only grew deeper. 

Gaius figured it long before Merlin, and Arthur could tell he was appreciated for it. 

Perhaps that’s why when he goes to Gaius - after he made sure Merlin will be far and occupied for the rest of the day - the old man looks at him seriously as Arthur asks for what he knows about the later happenings, and then obliges. 

Gaius, as it turns out, suspected from the moment Arthur mentioned the jacket, and then heard about the girl’s escaping and tried to confront Merlin, but he blatantly lied to him. 

The mere thought strikes Arthur. He loves his father, despite his constant demands and strictnesses, but sometime he wishes for what Merlin has: domestic warmth, knowing someone is on your side no matter what, willing to cover for you (he’s lost count over the times Gaius gave him absurd excuses for Merlin’s absence), along sides with reprimanding him for being hasty. For Merlin to lie to the person who was closest to him, practically his father, he’d have to be heavily invested with another connection. Arthur feels his heart sinks, more and more as Gaius describes Merlin’s behavior: humming to himself, randomly declaring he feels great, announcing he’ll be back late. 

Then Gaius says Merlin asked him if he knows a place that has fields and cows, but also wild flowers, a lake, and mountains nearby. 

Arthur’s been in Ealdor, and “fields and cows” is more or less everything that could’ve been said about the place, but the rest of the description was clearly someone else’s childhood landscape.

Gaius says Merlin’s packed supplies, and it spears Arthur, the thought Merlin would’ve left him without batting an eyelid. 

  
It isn’t hard to picture Merlin lying on his bed, inconsolable yet refusing to give up, yet pouncing out when the clock hit midnight. 

  
Gaius didn’t know where or how Merlin spent the night, but he says he came back in the morning and told him the girl was dead. 

Arthur wondered if Gaius’s hug could possibly pass the sadness he now sees in his eyes, for the girl and Merlin as one. He thinks about Merlin dressing the girl’s naked body with the fancy dress, then walking all night with her in his arms, probably to the place she wanted, with flowers and lake and mountains and all. 

Something within him rises, defining against this story of impossible love and a dead lover, one he cannot compete with. 

Gaius watches him silently, sagely. “I don’t think he was in love with her, sire,” he says. 

“No?” Arthur asks a bit bitterly, too gloomy and desperate to try to hide. “Then how would you call that?”

Gaius ponders. “You know what’s one of the most powerful connections between humans? Empathy. It’s personal, even intimate, since it involves identification. The ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. And Merlin’s strongly identified with this young girl. He told me I wouldn't understand.

Arthur doesn’t understand, either. “But Merlin’s not a Druid. Not an outcast. He’s not cursed.”

Gaius gives him a cryptic look. “We all have our own curses, Arthur,” he says eventually, and Arthur feels the tenderness in the personal approach. “We all have a burden to carry. I’d say you know the feeling,” he says gently, and Arthur thinks about the loneliness in growing as the Crown Prince, always having to set an example, to guide, to lead. How hungry he was for a boy like Merlin, who’d treat him as an equal. “But Merlin wasn’t raised like you, from childhood, in a consciousness of responsibility and duty. His life in the village was very different, and he didn’t fit there either. He came here looking for a place where he will belong, will be safe, physically and mentally. Like all of us, actually.”

He pauses for a few seconds and then goes on. “I assume it was clearer with the girl, since she was being chased and hunted. Maybe Merlin felt safe to open up to her, to be exposed. He could encourage her from a stance of strength, of aid; he could be confident with his own differential. They accepted each other. It’s forceful. I can see how it’ll have an overwhelming effect on a boy like Merlin. But then again, it’s not necessarily have anything to do with romantic sentiments. There wasn’t even a long time for them to get acquainted; lest to say reach the level of familiarity and closeness he shares with… other people.” This time there’s a slight mischievous spark in Gaius’s eyes, but his smile is warm. 

* * *

Despite What Arthur often says, he knows Merlin’s far from being an idiot. (He  _ is _ , sometimes, of course, but then again he’s  _ Arthur’s  _ idiot). 

Merlin was never like the other servants, never quite acknowledges the boundaries between them, not to mention respecting them. Even when he was reminded by Arthur’s condescending remarks and bossiness, he didn’t seem to be humiliated. He was way too confident, independent minded, and he was extremely sharp and witty, as he proved on a daily basis with his cheeky answers and comments. He had a habit of mumbling things in the exact volume to make Arthur uncertain about what he’s heard (it took him  _ days  _ to understand that Merlin did _ not  _ say “The sun’s very bright”), and he had his own way of saying “Right” or even “Yes, sire” while clearly transmitting “You’re an arse”.

There was something impish about him, with his ears and cheekbones, and the way he used to whistle cheerfully and carelessly, walking around all boyish with those dimples and sparkling eyes. The coltish bastard worked his charm on  _ everyone _ , so it seemed, and made friends way too easily, from sweet Gwen to harpy Morgana, noble Lancelot, damned Gwaine, Arthur’s own knights, and the servant girls who were chatting and chuckling with him. It seemed there wasn’t a living soul who wasn’t fond of Merlin (perhaps with the exception of the head cook, but she hated everyone).

So Arthur never really thought of Merlin as someone who carries a burden. But it’s like Gaius’s words sharpen his gaze, and over the following days Arthur catches Merlin as he shows non-typical behaviors, which he might have passed before as being moody or tired. 

Merlin, who was shameless about expropriating parts of Arthur’s food even when he wasn’t smuggling it for someone in need, looks sick when Arthur offers him strawberries. 

In a very unlike-Arthur-Pendragon-y attempt to share his inner world, he tells Merlin about his dream to run off to some place and be a farmer. He adds that he’ll have Merlin to do the hard work (hell, he explicitly  _ says  _ it, that he’ll keep him for company over anyone else), and even if Merlin was obtuse to the hinted  _ feeling _ , Arthur would’ve expected a biting retort. He puts on his inviting “sass me” expression, but Merlin goes all stiff and his face turns blank. It’s so much un-like Merlin, who’s always so expressive with his features, revealing his amusement or enthusiasm or anger, that Arthur  _ apologizes _ , but Merlin just nods in response. Only later Arthur remembers farms have fields and cows. 

And there're times when Merlin stares at the void as if he sees something the others don’t, and it makes Arthur want to throw something at him, shake him out of it, because he’s intimidated by this flash of a world far from his, much more complicated and delicate than the reality Arthur can offer, all horse riding and fighting and sweat. It scares him when Merlin looks distant, caught up and distressed by something Arthur doesn’t understand and cannot be solved with a manly punch in the shoulder. 

* * *

Eventually Arthur can’t stand it anymore, and decides whatever it is, he could understand, he would, if only Merlin would explain. 

He takes advantage on one of the nights Gaius goes for a night round between patients, determenly crosses the main room in the court physician's quarters, and opens the door to Merlin’s room without knocking - something Merlin does to him regularly, the only person who’s entitled to do so. 

Merlin’s sitting on his bed, crossed-legs, and the first thing Arthur notices is that he’s wearing The Look again, enigmatic and obscure. Only that this time it can be explained, as in the air in front of him there are candles’ flames floating. 

Correction: Merlin  _ floats  _ the flames. as it turns clear from the way they jump back to their natural place the second Merlin sees Arthur. 

Arthur’s not sure if he’s more shocked by the discovery that his manservant is a warlock, or the fact that this is what he chose to do with his magic, or that he does it without even bothering to lock the door.

On a second thought, he supposes he shouldn’t be too surprised by any of it. 

He knows, objectively, all of this is a subject for a long discussion. And possibly yelling. He definitely wants to yell at Merlin. For hiding it from him. For arriving to damned Camelot - a kingdom known for it’s the harsh treatment for those with magic - from the first place. For being so unguarded about his safety. 

He wants to grab Merlin by his shoulders and shake him, because he stares at Arthur, frozen, uncertain of his reaction and vigilant. 

As if Arthur will hurt him,  _ ever _ . 

But most of all, Arthur knows he wants to prove himself worthy to Merlin’s full trust. 

He thinks about something Gaius said, of Merlin saving the girl in the deep aspect of the term, making her feel cherished. 

Arthur wants to make Merlin feel safe and loved; to let him know he  _ is  _ safe and loved, every inch of him, from his clumsy movements to his ridiculous ears. 

He wants Merlin to be completely open with him, truly equal, honest and innocent and sweet, laughing and crying and spilling over with his emotions. 

He thinks about how close he was to lose this forever, and shudders. 

He holds Merlin’s gaze as he takes his place in the bed, facing him, and pulls him to a strong hug. He doesn’t relent until Merlin’s body relaxes and he buries his face in Arthur’s neck, breathing hitched, and Arthur can feel his heart beating fast, and he whispers, “Don’t ever keep secrets from me again, Merlin. There’s nothing you cannot tell me.”

Merlin doesn’t answer, but he lifts his arms and returns the hug. 

* * *

They spend a long night together. 

After they pulled apart Merlin wiped his eyes with his hand and Arthur said “Tell me everything,” and Merlin did. 

Arthur learns the girl’s name for the first time, and Merlin’s voice chokes as he speaks about Freya’s promise to pay him back someday. 

“I couldn’t save her, Arthur, she was dying in my arms, and yet in her last moments she was grateful for the iota of kindness I could offer, and her desire to give back. It tears my heart out.”

Arthur caresses the wet path on Merlin’s cheek and wonders how the people he was brought up to believe were naturally evil because the power they possessed turned out to be more compassionate than anyone he knows. 

“It goes without saying, Merlin, but if words mean anything, I swear to you that when I’m king, I’ll lift the ban on magic. Nothing like this should ever happen.”

It’s all a lot to take in, but Arthur mainly basks in the feeling of the way he can reach his hand and touch Merlin’s face, lean in and kiss him, and then lean back and watch Merlin’s face-splitting beam. 

When Gaius is back he finds them curled into one another, pressed together in Merlin’s narrow bed. 

Only over breakfast Arthur finds out about the times Merlin used his magic for what he’s called “helping you correct your pratish ways”, which included, among others, tripping him on the training field and making him bray after the goblin’s curse was broken. Gaius admits he agreed to turn a blind eye towards it for a day - a treason for itself - but he’s surprised to find out Merlin kept it going for a week,  _ at least _ . Merlin laughs despite the horrifying glares he gets from both of them. 

* * *

They still have to wait for Uther’s rule to end, and Arthur knows even after that they’ll face wrongs they sometimes won’t be able to right; they’ll do their best and sometimes it won’t be enough. Arthur knows they’ll still be feeling the helpless frustration, clenched fists in front of injustice, cruelty, greediness; people who hide true monsters inside. 

But each time he thinks back about Merlin, the strongest sorcerer ever, using his magic for harmless little antics, simply to provoke a smile, making small spots of lights dance.

**Author's Note:**

> I know chronologically Freya was before Gwaine, but it fitted too well so I took the liberty of making this small change.


End file.
